"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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