Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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