How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
