Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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