I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You dont lie about slip and slides
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
