She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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