Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
