i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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