I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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