i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
