there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
