omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
