i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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