i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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