why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
