I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
