He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
