Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
