Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
