I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
