I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
