just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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