If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
