I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
