Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize