Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
