I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
