Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
