Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
