I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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