I smell stomach acid.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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