I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
