no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
