his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
