i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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