Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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