Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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