we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
