dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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