you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Bang-toberfest begins!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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