You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
