Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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