The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
