Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Less talking, more tequila
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
