Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
