That's when you crack a 10am beer
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
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I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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