You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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