At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
