is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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