I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
