There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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