would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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