Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize