I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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