this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's shark week go big or go home
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
