i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
