I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize