Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
