i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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