The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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