i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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