so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
