I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
