Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
