Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
