You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
