I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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