Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
