Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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