I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
