I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
