I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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