Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
