We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
