NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my shit smells like andre
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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