I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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