...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
