my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
