I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
These tits shall not be calmed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
