Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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