Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
