my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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