He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They took my balls.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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