We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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