how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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