I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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