if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
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it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
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It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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