Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
